I had a crush on you when I was 13. After puberty, my memory got wiped of you. Then, you had to resume your presence in my life by showing up in Hunger Games as a huge, beautiful, sexy man beast. Just like that, all the hormones came rushing back, and I was 13 again. I do not want to be 13 again. It took me a long time to stop being awkward, and I don’t think I’m even all the way there yet. All I can think about now is: 1. Seeing the Hunger Games again just to look at you, and 2. Transferring to USC so I can be in all of your classes. You have consumed my life, yet again, and it’s rude. Alexander, since you have become such an inconvenience to me, I think it would be the gentlemanly thing to do to either stop existing, or date me. Actually you know what, just date me.
Reasons why you should date me: I had the restraint to not make a “You’re single? I volunteer as tribute!” joke.
True love right thurr.